Lets see how they like listening to the little b*stard! So an American in Ireland walks into a bathroom. Theyre Two Irishmen were walking out of a funeral. This is one of the many Irish stereotype jokes thats flying around, but unlike many it isnt exactly offensive. What is a huge Irish spider called? WebLeprechaun jokes. He is curious, and gets closer and sees a small person with his back to him. A: Irish soda bread. A: Irish you luck. When it turns green! Who's that guy who fought the buff leprechaun? And might I ask how your sex life is?" I can smell wine, Father, said the Garda. "Gurl, I will sham rock your world." A little man having a hopping good time. Are you going to shear those sheep?, I am not, the neighbour replied. "How'd you like to help put the Irish Spring back into me shillelagh?" Gaelic breath.. Well, says the doctor, Ive been trying to get hold of you for the past 2 days.. Pat who? In Ireland you can buy one pint, get another 3 for free and then get taken into the back-room for a shag
"All right, I've got you this time. He slurre, One jumps up on the other's shoulders, knocks on the door, and jumps down as a priest comes to answer. So, he shouted over to the lad digging the holes, I dont get it why do you dig a hole, only for the other lad to fill it in?, The lad wiped his brow and sighed deeply, Well, I suppose it probably does looks a bit odd. Ye can see 'e's 'angin' out. Marty he sighed, Why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he replies with another question?, Bollocks. What job did the leprechaun have at the restaurant? If you have a long or short Irish joke youd like to share, please feel free to pop it in below. Leprechauns are a type of Irish fairy. Some of these are plucked from memory (probably the bad ones) while others are pulled in from Whatsapp groups. No, the man replied. Why do leprechauns hide behind 4-leafclovers and not 3-leafclovers? There's a pot of gold waiting in ye car. Then a Leprechaun came out from behind a tree and stood before him. A Jolly Green Giant How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold? and he blows his brains out with a shotgun. Wheres my husband? How on earth can the news get any worse. A: The Celtics. A: Irish you a Happy St. Patricks Day. The guy being drunk turns around and says hold on, are you really a leprechaun? We've got all your leprechaun one-liners right here. Do leprechauns make good secretaries? A: Because theyre green! Who's there? There were three leprechauns standing outside a church in Dublin- A father and two brothers. A man said that a leprechaun, a walking tree, and a dragon walked into a bar. The leprechaun smiles and says, "I did that for you. Thats good says Paddy. They also had a milk cow and what a cow it was. He should quit drinking. Dirty jokes, to be precise, are as common in Ireland as sheep on a country road, so we just had to create a list of the best to give you a good laugh. ", Let me tell you about the day I grew up. I dont have four leaves, but if you pluck me, Ill give you luck! A: Short ribs. A leprechaun who recycles. A: Real rocks are too heavy! A shamrock! What's small, lucky, and green all over? Name the top three songs by leprechaun cover bands. So did you hear about the leprechaun that got arrested for identity theft? A: A rainbow. One of them knocks on the door. Paddys walking home from the pub when he finds a woman tied to the railway track. I thought your Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato? A: He took a short cut. The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time?" A: He got wet. Out of curiosity the guy ask the leprechaun man how can I get my cock to grow that big. WebSt. But today the lad who plants the trees phoned in sick.'. Q: Why are so many leprechauns florists? Spam likes = blocked. What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone? Since he had nothing to wipe with, he comes back to the classroom with his hands cupped, hiding the shit. He stops in the middle of the footpath, lowers his trousers, squats dow. A bachelor. I stir it in with my right, replied the second. ", What do you say if your peeing in Ireland and spot a leprechaun? A Shamrock Shake ', Right, what do you call a bulletproof Irishman? So, they go into the first pub and do exactly as Paddy suggested. Four girlfriends drinking on St Patricks Day! 'Was he ill long?' Why don't women want to get engaged on St Patricks Day? And hes out at the pubs, just getting shitfaced. The English says WOW! ", The American goes, "Alright, for my final wish, I wanna big dick like yours.". Crypt o' Currency. A man walks into an Irish bar and orders a tall glass of Guinness. Sean is really pissed off at first that Paddy spent their last money on a sausage, but Paddy lets him in on his plan. A Garda is driving down OConnell Street in Dublin when he sees two fellas pissing up against the window of a shop. The leprechaun reply's well you see me top hat don?t ya, you see me green suit don't ya, and is it not St. pattys day, what more proof do you need laddy. ", The leprechaun says, "Bejesus, I'm in the wrong joke! OK none of these jokes are going to be overly filthy, because this is a site for all the family. A: It will be green with envy! Did you ever hear about the Lucky Charms leprechaun's evil twin? A: They refuse to leave the green. What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover? Was I definitely meant to shove them up my arse?'. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. A: Lucky charms. I was in a bar restroom at the urinals getting rid of my daily intake of beer when in walks in the shortest guy I had ever seen. 'He died in the best of health.' Bobs starts his business when Jim yells "COP". She is a keen writer of satirical articles, as well as The best things to do and The best dishes to try around the globe. ", The american goes, "Ok, for my second wish I wanna hot looking woman!" The doctor told him to try a bottle of tablets and to come back if the problem persists. Q: What did the leprechaun say on March 17? It was, replied the friend. You look a little differentyou have a giant round orange head. He said, well, its the craziest thing. An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman wander into a little old pub in Kildare. A: To stop himself from falling into the stew. Look up! So go ahead bend over for me Sonnie! What is a leprechauns "No, my son. What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick's Day? Have you been drinking, Father? asks the Garda. In the section below, weve popped in the most FAQs that weve received. You cant do that, says the Irishman. The other lad filling them in. The Leprechaun has a massively huge dick, the guy asks "Hey how did you get your dick so big?". A: Theyre really into green living. An Irish farmer was walking along the boundary between his and his neighbours fields when he spotted his neighbour carrying two sheep in his arms. An avid golfer hits his ball into the woods. See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes. What's the difference between wisdom and luck? God. He fit all of the stereotypes of an Irishman, having red hair and beard, constantly being at the bar, and having an accent so thick that I could barely understand him even though I knew him. ", Colm goes out one fair evening for a solo round of golf. When he got back to class, his Reading these really helped lighten my day. Apparently, asking a dwarf why he isnt wearing his leprechaun costume was offensive. WebThe Leprechaun Joke A man went to a pub on St. Patrick's Day to have some drinks with his mates. Want to hear a funny yolk?. A French Fry. The mother superior opens the door to see the two little green men. WebEli's Dirty Jokes - Episode 30 - Lucky Leprechaun GoPotatoTV 137K subscribers Subscribe 3K Save 498K views 13 years ago Notice Age-restricted video (based on As he goes to look for it, he stumbles upon a leprechaun who is brewing a mysterious concoction. After downing several pints, he heads to the loo to take a huge piss. All of them are clean and awesome. 19 Arthur St, Belfast, Northern Ireland, BT1 4GA. Why wasn't Jesus born in Ireland? ", And The leprechaun goes, "Done! "Irish is a leprechaun language." Much to his surprise he spies a leprechaun and managed to nab him by the neck. A poor Irish family lives on a farm and they rely on their single cow for income. Clover who? WebFive Funny Short Jokes for St Patrick's Day 'Hello, Mary, how's your new false teeth?' Because they're. Thats quite good but in Scotland you can buy one drink and get another 2 for free.
BOOs! I don't have four leaves, but if you pluck me, I'll give you luck! Leprechaun replies "Not to worry laddy, besides who would believe me anyway." What's Irish and stays out all night? Too much to drink and not enough restrooms! What do you get when two leprechauns have a conversation? The monkey call out hey little buddy come up here I got some great pot. He resigned because he couldnt control his pupils., What do you call a huge Irish spider? Who's there? WebLeprechaun: "Ahh, laddie, that's a pretty tall order. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Want jokes for St. Patricks Day? With a Y. What do you call it when a leprechaun gets a free handjob? That's the Irish for You! by signing up, you agree to the our terms and our Privacy Policy agreement. By looking over your shoulder. A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. They are short-tempered. Paddy storms out and yells, Well, Ill be fecked if Im sticking around for 67 more of them.. How does the Easter Bunnys day always end? A: So they can go green. A Guide To Weather, Seasons + Climate, How To Get Around In Ireland: The Pros + Cons To Cars, Tours and Public Transport, Airports in Ireland: Where They Are And Which Is The Best To Fly Into. I said, what have you been up to? When he started relieving himself in the trough, he noticed a dwarf a few feet down the trough. A: Leprechaun spelled backwards. He goes up to the urinal to piss as well and is The next day Paddy is drinking with Seamus when he boasts about the night before. Happy St Patricks Day Well duh, why else would leprechauns hide their gold at the end of the rainbow. The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey. Erin Cavoto is the Editorial Assistant at ThePioneerWoman.com, covering food, holidays, home decor, and more. Warren. I dont know, replies Paddy. Who's there? Please tell me it was quick? Because they're always a little short. Movies A little lizard was walking through the forest to see his pal the monkey. A: He was the short-order cook, Q: What position did the leprechaun play on the baseball team? Look clover there. 'Cause they don't want to get a "sham rock". How should you buy drinks on St. Patricks Day? Web100 Funny St. Patrick's Day Jokes 1. Where can you always find a shamrock? What type of bow cannot be tied? The Mother Superior opens the door and the first leprechaun doffs his hat then stammers and stutters, "T-t-t-top o' the mornin' to ye, sister!". (Sister Matic). Sure, they're great at shorthand! Raise your hand if you are 1% Irish today. Goes for a walk in the forest sees a little fella dressed in green with his head bobbing up and down between his legs, so the yank says to him are you Leprechaun? None of these leprechaun one liners are dirty. And there's a little Irishman taking a piss in the urinal. What does a leprechaun call a happy man wearing green? Irish Priest The Scottish man says,..yeah. A rainbow 3. He's using the urinal when this really short guy starts using the urinal next to him. He touches the small man on his shoulder to turn and identify the person and is shocked _Here's one I vividly remember being told by a kid in a playground when I was about 5 years old._, Stoner: "Alright maaan, uhhh, how about. a joint of the best weed EVER that never goes out or burns up, and I will never gain a tolerance to it". As he staggers through the woods, he soon becomes lost. What do ghosts drink on St. Patrick's Day? "All right, I've got you this time. He frees her and takes her home, where they make passionate love all night. So I took a dump on the floor and chewed up her shoes. The leprechaun says, "Bejesus, I'm in the wrong joke! I havent been feeling myself lately, replied Paddy. Not everyday you see one of my kind! The only thing they had that was worth anything was their old milk cow. In 2022 Jades first book The Ultimate Irish Road Trip Guide was published and is currently available on Amazon. May the roof over your head be always strong. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day? So this guy Jimmy is on a road trip home from college when he stops at a rest stop to relieve himself. A guy walks in to the bathroom to take leak after drinking a couple of pitchers of beer on St. Patrick's Day. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); May you enjoy them and visit Ireland one day. Just water, replied the priest. The first one knocks on the door. whom it would appear he had accidently hit with his errant shot. They are usually described or pictured as being small, with green clothing and hats. To get to the other side. Ever tried ironing a four-leaf clover? if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); May your blessings outnumber The shamrocks that grow, I haven't either! The cop stopped after a few minutes and told those waiting to cross the road, Okay pedestrians, he said, Lets go. Why did the leprechaun climb over the rainbow? What do you call a leprechauns vacation home? A: A Jolly Green Giant. So check em out now. An English man, Irishman and a Scotch man are sitting in a pub full of people. Theyre awesome. So the guy after pondering for a while agrees, Ok man on one condition you can't tell anybody about this. If you want a dick thisbig, you'll have to be willing to take it. When does a leprechaun cross the road? When it's a FRENCH fry! They make their money from a little bit of farming, but mostly from the milk that their cow produces. Terri Robertson is the Senior Editor, Digital, at Country Living, where she shares her lifelong love of homes, gardens, down-home cooking, and antiques. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy. The American asks, "where'd ya get that big dick? If you like these funny leprechaun jokes youve just read, please check out these 21 absolutely hilarious and short Irish jokes because theyre awesome. So the Irish would never rule the world. A lad from Clare went to his local doctor with cramps from constipation. The leprechaun looks around and says, "Saints preserve us! WebOut of curiosity the guy ask the leprechaun man how can I get my cock to grow that big. Urine luck! ", The Irishman goes, " Well ya see sonnie, im a leprechaun and I can grant ye three wishes! Sure, theyre great at shorthand! Fortunes. I warned you -- now I'm gonna rip off your little tallywagger!" Why shouldnt you borrow money from a leprechaun? The leprechaun turns and says in a Irish voice, not to worry laddy I'm a leprechaun, I The taller gentleman catches himself sneaking a peek and notices the short man's penis is exceptionally large. They like to "go" first class! Someone bought shots. Press Esc to cancel. A: Green Lantern. A cold beer and another one. The man was evidently offended and responded, The cheek, just because I order a pint of Guinness you assume Im Irish. Because there's pot at the end of the rainbow! The leprechaun wiggles his fingers and Bam! So the little lizard climbed up the tree. The leprechaun next to him turns and says, Can I borrow a dollar?? A leprechaun walks into a bar. Irish Day Off Jokes Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site. She apologises and trys again before farting a second time. While you can share some meaningful St. Patrick's Day quotes or St. Patrick's Day Instagram captions on social media, you can also add some of these jokes to make sure the day is one that's full of laughter. But before you pull out your favorite green sweater, you better be prepared to entertain your friends and family with some funny St. Patrick's Day jokes and puns.
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